A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
