My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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