I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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