If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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