Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
