Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
