apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
