I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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