It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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