Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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