I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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