so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
