I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
