I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
