There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
