I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
