Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize