I am puke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
