I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
