just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
