well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
