May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
