Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
