i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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