yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize