My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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