The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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