I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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