I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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