I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
