Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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