I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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