Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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