...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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