No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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