i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
