I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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