I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
