So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
God, I missed his penis.
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