I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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