My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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