dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
