I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize