So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
