I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
