Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would ride that face into the sunset
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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