I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
