FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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