Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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