she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
