just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
