oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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