May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
