i can't believe i had my finger in that
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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