I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
