I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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