he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
