I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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