he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
