why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
