This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
