Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
