i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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