awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
