Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
