Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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